The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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