it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
