I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
