i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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