I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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