It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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