I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
