Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i came on her dog
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
