Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think a kid would responsible me up
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think your dad took our porno
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
