Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
