omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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