I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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