Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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