I think scott just propositioned me for sex
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
