if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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