last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We just shotgunned beers for America
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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