She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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