Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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