Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
