Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
