Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
