and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
