there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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