You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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