I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
