So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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