she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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