smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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