First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
