Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
