my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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