It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
