I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
