I looked at my own cervix.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
