u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
