U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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