sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You took a bar mat shot.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I am available for nakedness
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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