Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
