I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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