So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
