For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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