John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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