One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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