Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
