your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
