girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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