Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
