we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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