His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
