tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
