Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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